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This year represents a ten-year milestone since the word “disappearing” hit the mainstream. Initially, the concept that someone could instantly end all contact with a partner without a word seemed like the pinnacle of indignity. We were so innocent. In the decade since, seeking a mate has only become more perplexing – an oftentimes unsuccessful endeavor in embarrassment that is increasingly pigeonholed by social media jargon.

Generation Z, a generation who came of age during a social isolation epidemic, a masculinity reckoning, and a coordinated assault on the rights of females and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a significantly more chaotic environment than their millennial predecessors could ever envision. And so their romantic glossary has grown more elaborate and more unhinged, with terms like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” straining the limits of your sanity.

What follows is a extensive breakdown to the terms Zoomers is using to discuss romance, intimacy and the quest of both. To channel one of the year’s most viral memes, by the end of this list you’ll ache to get back to simpler times – because wherever that is, it lacks “ideological catfishing”.

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A

Realness – For gen Z, romance's ultimate goal is showing up as your true, raw self. You'll need it with that!

B

Avian theory – A TikTok trend inspired by a methodology developed by couples researchers, in which you bring up something trivial – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and note whether your date's reaction is interested or disinterested. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Independent partner – Gen Z’s answer to the “manic pixie dream girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner prioritizes herself while oozing enigma and independence. (She may yet have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Chair theory – This signifies choosing someone who supports you unprompted. If you entered a room, they would get a seat for you to take a load off.

Task-based bonding – A outing where two people connect while handling tasks, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how broke twentysomethings do affordable dating in a post-cheap-date world.

Crashing out – Having a breakdown when you feel burdened by life. You can lose it over a crush or split, spilling all of your unreciprocated feelings.

D

DINK – Dual income no kids. Once a signifier of 1980s young urban professional excess, it describes couples who forgo parenthood to focus on their own happiness. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Vulnerable signaling – The opposite of acting aloof: utilizing communication, honesty and vulnerability.

F

Flags

• Warning signs – Personal quirks signaling a prospective partner is not right. For instance calling their former partners unstable, poor gratuity habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Positive signs – These traits affirm your choice to pursue a mate. For instance following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, low phone use, having a proper bed …
• Neutral quirks – These usually describe niche, mostly inoffensive idiosyncrasies. Such as being an keen birdwatcher, still keeping a pen in their purse, paying rent in physical money …

Freak matching – When you connect with someone who’s just as enthusiastic about documentaries about the second world war or DVD collecting or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who loathes the same stuff or individuals that you do (nothing fosters closeness faster than having a nemesis).

G

The band Geese – A musical group your gen Z boyfriend is into.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who reappears into your life after a period of ghosting.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and loyal. The rare boyfriend who is liked by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's opposite.

Gooners – A primarily online subculture of men so fixated with self-pleasure that they attempt marathon sessions, purposefully delaying climax so they can continue as long as possible.

H

Heterofatalism – A mindset describing many women’s increasing cynicism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

High-value woman – An stereotype championed by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and happily home-oriented, who apparently has no aspirations of her own aside from satisfying her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Icks – Random and usually everyday turnoffs that instantly extinguish any feelings of attraction.

“He would if he cared" – Something to remember after you watch someone else get an extremely romantic gesture.

J

Professions – These have not been this crucial in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ideal partner: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd seek out partners in professions they believe are being staffed by the more nurturing among us: healthcare workers, educators or therapists.

The Letter K

Kissing – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has existed for 16 million years. But the era of kissing may be waning since some gen Z desire fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy realistic.

Kittenfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {